Kali terakhir Wan melihatku.....
I kissed his cheek and hugged him...
He was looking so sad when I was about to leave him..
With my backpack on my back, I walked away....I turned my head a few times looking at him...
he was looking at the other side....
I bit my lips.....tears came down..It was difficult to breath with choked throat....
a week later...I came back.....
with the same backpack on my back, I ran to him crying....
he didn't even recognize me....
I was the only person by his side a few minutes before he went unconscious.....
"Wan....it's me...M"......I cried and cried...
I swear....that was the hardest, the scariest and the saddest moment in my life!
I teach him the shahadah....until my brother came holding my shoulder... and we went out....
After the life machine was set up....I waited by his side until evening..
reciting yasin and teaching shahadah repeatedly.....until I lost my voice...
until now, my voice is still husky....
and that evening...he left this lucky girl....
I am your lucky girl father....
I will be missing you in every blink of my eyes....
I love you so much....
and I need you so much...
al fatihah.....
I kissed his cheek and hugged him...
He was looking so sad when I was about to leave him..
With my backpack on my back, I walked away....I turned my head a few times looking at him...
he was looking at the other side....
I bit my lips.....tears came down..It was difficult to breath with choked throat....
a week later...I came back.....
with the same backpack on my back, I ran to him crying....
he didn't even recognize me....
I was the only person by his side a few minutes before he went unconscious.....
"Wan....it's me...M"......I cried and cried...
I swear....that was the hardest, the scariest and the saddest moment in my life!
I teach him the shahadah....until my brother came holding my shoulder... and we went out....
After the life machine was set up....I waited by his side until evening..
reciting yasin and teaching shahadah repeatedly.....until I lost my voice...
until now, my voice is still husky....
and that evening...he left this lucky girl....
I am your lucky girl father....
I will be missing you in every blink of my eyes....
I love you so much....
and I need you so much...
al fatihah.....
Dear father....
It has been 99 days since we said good bye.....
Tapi kadang-kadang aku merasakan seperti Wan masih ada....
Bila aku sedar yang Wan sudah tiada lagi, aku merasa kecewa....
Semalam....aku tengok berita Buletin Utama TV3....
aku terbayang yang Wan sedang menontonnya di rumah....
aku lupa...Wan sudah tiada......
Tadi...aku melintasi sebuah kedai kasut.....
kelihatan kasut hitam seperti palas jazz di atas rak...
aku teringat yang Wan suka pakai kasut tu...
tapi aku lupa....Wan sudah tiada....
Semalam...ketika aku membuka peti sejuk...
kelihatan buah nanas yang telah dipotong....
aku teringat yang Wan suka makan nanas....
tapi aku lupa....Wan sudah tiada....
Semalam...ketika aku sedang membasuh sotong segar...
aku teringat yang Wan suka membeli sotong...
sotong itu dibasuhnya dengan cermat....
tapi aku lupa....Wan sudah tiada...
Segala apa yang aku lihat...
pasti kelibat Wan turut terbayang....
kadang-kadang..bila bersembang dengan kawan-kawan...
aku sering menyebut pasal Wan...
kata aku.." ayah aku suka makan itu..ini...."
atau " ayah aku selalu buat begitu...begini.."
bila tersebut nama Wan, hatiku tersentak...
kerana Wan sudah arwah.....
dah jadi Allahyarham Ahmad bin Mat Amin.....
ketika Wan pergi....
aku lebih banyak berdiam diri....
ketika orang lain rancak menyanyikan lagu raya...
aku hanya mendengar dan melayan perasaan....
ketika orang lain sibuk membuat persiapan raya....
yang aku mahu hanyalah pulang menziarahi pusaranya.....
aku mahu pulang melihat pusaranya.....
rasa macam tak percaya....
jasadnya sudah hancur di bawah sana....
matanya, senyumnya....
ohh....aku rindukan gelak tawanya.....
4 Julai-11Okt- 99 days of sorrow
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